It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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