Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
