Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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