hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
