I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
