Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
