There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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