Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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