Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
