Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
