Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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