Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
