I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
