shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize