you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
