He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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