just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
