at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
