I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
