i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize