Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
