Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
