So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its liver damage thursday
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
