I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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