I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
