Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
