Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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