I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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