either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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