you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
