He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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