Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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