So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
