So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
