I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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