you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
