I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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