I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Houston, we have a squirter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
