im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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