Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
