Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
