You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
