Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my being single is dangerous.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
