he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My vagina just recognized that song.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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