i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
