went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
