Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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