Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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