Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your penis caused this!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
