i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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