i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
