its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
