i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
