sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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