Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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