as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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