planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
