I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
