Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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