Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
