She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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