I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
