last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
