sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
