i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
