I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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