he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
