Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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